Getting help

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Fortunately, despite the fiasco, dad came around after I had a rather long talk with him:
  • I assured him that we weren't trying to abandon him; we were merely addressing his medical needs
  • I reconfirmed with him that his priorities were less pain and more movement
  • He would resume seeing the orthopaedic oncologist and to continue the bone drug (pamidronate) infusion if they recommend it
  • Nursing home was back on the table i.e. comparing trained lived-in caregiver and the home
However, later, even he exclaimed how expensive trained lived-in caregiver was and so we downgraded it day trained caregiver for 4 hours.

Meanwhile, my sister managed to get a medical graduate who was willing to be dad's daytime helper for at most a month while waiting for his posting.

We then presented the following options to dad, along with their upsides and downsides:

(a) Nursing  home
+ 24 hrs
+ medically trained nurses and doctors
+ staff helps to administer medicine
+ exercise and activities
+ potential social interaction
+ trial for future when fully dependent
- not with family
- not in comfort of own home

(b) 4 hrs day trained caregiver.
+ at home
+ with family
+ 1 to 1
+ can reconnect with friends at seaside
- not medically trained
- only 4 hours; legs not elevated at other times
- not viable in future when fully dependent
- greater security risk because they're at home

(c) 8 hrs day helper
+ at home
+ with family
+ 1 to 1
+ can reconnect with friends at seaside
- not medically trained (but the one my sister found is a medical graduate)
- legs not elevated at night
- not viable in future when fully dependent
- greater security risk because they're at home

Dad was still leaning towards nursing home at that point until he met the medical graduate, CW. Thereafter, we discussed and drew up a 7-hour schedule for CW (during discussion, we realised 7 hours was sufficient). My sister showed it to CW along with proposed compensation. CW then started this job on 1st August.

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