Here's My Story

Things were ok for about a week after the l ast psychiatric appointment  but then worsened for the next 3 weeks right up to the next appointment: Dizziness worsened Headache everyday Migraine every other day Loss of appetite (but weight is still healthy) Hands trembled significantly more (most noticeable when using utensils) but didn't hinder daily activities We forgot to tell the doctor about the last symptom @@ Mum usually slept throughout the day, except to have breakfast and lunch and her medicine. She was at her best from 5pm onward until she went to bed at about 11am or midnight. After some Q&A, the doctor went off to consult the specialist...who turned out to be the psychogeriatrician. He came over to ask a few more questions. The only difference in medication was that mum had stopped taking Gabapentin but this medicine was supposed to manage tingling nerve pain, not headache and migraine, and so it was unlikely its absence caused these symptoms. Sin...

Inuyasha:   Well, it’s too late now, isn’t it?! If you didn’t want the ashes stolen, why didn’t you just scatter the ashes into the river? You stayed sentimental and kept hanging on to them and see what happened? Kaede:  Inuyasha, how do you feel about a grave? A grave is not simply a place to bury a body or ashes. A grave is necessary for the hearts of ones who are left behind. Inuyasha:   Hearts of those left behind? Cut-scene of memories of KIK. She stands on a hill, overlooking the village. Kaede:  (voice-over) My sister was born a priestess. And she used her special powers for the good of the villagers. She kept demons away from the village and battle illness and famine countless times, encouraging the people around her. Even after her demise, the villagers have not weakened, they are resolved to live. Cut to image of KIK’s grave . Kaede:  (voice-over) However, man is weak. Danger and uncertainty can weaken his heart. The grave was a place of reassurance. A pl...

Because of my dad's slow but steady declining condition, my sister's family in Australia made a great effort to make a trip to spend some time here in Penang.  It was especially heartwarming to hear that my nephews wanted to visit their grandfather despite not being close to him and that motivated their parents to try their best to make it happen. My sister came up with a plan and a schedule whereby the 3 of us discussed (we included our respective spouses' opinions of course) to ensure that it was doable and accommodate everyone's needs as much as possible. One of the highlights was a DIY family photo at my youngest sister's place in Butterworth. This time, unlike 4 years ago , it was much quicker to herd the children into positions lol. More significantly, at least to me, was the inclusion of Ban in the photo :)

The swelling of dad's feet has subsided slightly. However, his back pain level gradually increased. For a brief period, he manage to rely mainly on paracetamol (1000mg every 4 hours) and took tramadol only when the pain intensified, which was like once every other day. But this didn't last. I advised him to go back to tramadol 3 times a day by default (same as previous prescription ) and to top up with paracetamol in between intake if needed. As instructed by oncologist, dad went for tumour marker CA 19.9 test. It had exploded from 241 to 951 😢 On the appointment day with the orthopaedic oncologist, as I expected, they ordered a second infusion of pamidronate . We were fortunate that they called in my dad much earlier than his queue number. Because of that, my dad was warded (day care, not overnight) earlier, the drug arrived much earlier than previously and the infusion ended 3 hours earlier. However, his back pain increased in intensity at random times of the day. It...

Whenever I thought about my dad's (premature, I would say) end of his life on Earth, I thought about my own mortality. I am afraid of poofing into non-existence; from this unique person to nothingness. I tried not to dwell too much on it because I still have decades to go but as I grow older each year, I'll probably think about this depressing topic more often :(

For this competitive season, I make it a point to always start the match by saying, "Hello team". As I explained to online friends, it's my way of subtly reminding my team mates that we are part of a team and hopefully they'll play as a team. The next thing I often say is, "Please join team voice chat to hear warnings e.g. Reaper's behind!". There was once a player named Snoopy (it's terrible when one sullies the name of such lovable character) replied, "No worries. I can hear footsteps." Ummm okkkk. "How about Bastions top left?" "No worries. I can see." Fine. Clearly, he didn't want to join team voice chat. I got him as team mate again the next match. Predictably he didn't join team voice chat. Another player, Cosmos3991, looked out through the door (we attacked in Round 1) and told the team via voice chat to be careful of enemy's Junkrat's trap at the door. Guess who triggered it and died? ...

Overwatch is a team-based game: 6 vs 6. The winning team is the one that manages to meet the game's objectives. A common way for a team to lose fights is by staggering in one by one, resulting in fights of, say, 2 vs 6. I don't know why players do that. They think they can make a big play by wiping all 6 enemies? So, there was this game where we were defeated in a fight but died at different times, resulting in staggering spawns. Not a problem if everyone group up. I kept asking the team to group up (there might have been other team mates who did that too) and then noticed that Pharah went flying in by herself. Predictably she died within seconds. Later in team chat: Me: Please don't go in 1 vs 6. Pharah: Did you pay for my game? Don't tell me how to play. (a while later) Me: Ok, go ahead to 1 vs 6. If you can win, that's great. (a while later) Pharah: Doesn't matter. We're feeding. Me: Lol. What? Says the person who 1 vs 6. Argh!

TCM at Kepala Batas Hospital refused to give an appointment  to dad because they do not accept metastatic cancer patient: if their needles touch the cancer cells, there's a risk of worsening the state of the cells. Meanwhile, even though dad took Oxynorm only 3 times a day, significantly down from 9 times, he was also  taking 2 tab (500mg each) of paracetamol once every sub-4 hours. This was because of the returning back pain , which was gone during the 2nd line chemotherapy. I advised him to make sure he didn't exceed 12 paracetamols within 24 hours. Later, he had to take Tramadol 3 times a day to manage the back pain :( His swollen feet worsened. He wasn't able to prop up his feet while sleeping, as suggested by PCU to alleviate the swelling, because he hadn't been sleeping well on bed and so mostly was sleeping either on the sofa or the lazy chair. I asked him to try propping his feet so that they were above his waist level. There were 2 pieces of good news tho...

I used to think that it's ok to brush your teeth after each meal. In fact, I thought it was desirable...until I read this: Interesting, isn't it? I wonder why. Is it peculiar only to Sensodyne toothpaste? Edit: Oooops, my sister pointed out that it's "not more than three times". I've used the wrong title haha.

So, my argument is that as we become more and more scientifically literate, it's worth remembering that the fictions with which we previously populated our world may have some function that it's worth trying to understand and preserve the essential components of, rather than throwing out the baby with the bath water; because even though we may not accept the reasons given for them being here in the first place, it may well be that there are good practical reasons for them, or something like them, to be there. - "Salmon of Doubt" by Douglas Adam