Here's My Story

I foot out for my own medical bills since I'm not working for a company. Hence, I try not to visit doctor if I can, especially for common illnesses such as runny/blocked nose, sorethroat, headache, diarrhea, fever etc. I'll self-medicate instead. Sometimes I'm tempted to do so for bad sorethroat: it's so discomforting. However, there is one particular consequential symptom of I'm scared of: sleep disturbance due to cough and/or phelgm accumulation. It is torturous not having enough sleep. Besides feeling exhausted, I generally feel bad not being able to do my routine, what more additional tasks like working on projects and meeting up with family and friends. By now, I can sort of identify the symptoms that will soon lead to sleep disturbance and I will then visit doctor as soon as possible. Even with that, I can't avoid this phase but at least I'll get a few hours of sleep from the second night onward. Sleeplessness on the first night is unavoidable, ...

Tiffany accidentally heard them discussing it after she had gone to bed that night. It's quite easy to accidentally overhear people talking downstairs if you hold an upturned glass to the floorboards and accidentally put your ear to it. - "A Hat Full of Sky" by Terry Pratchett Lol. Sounds like something my 6-year old nephew would say.

So after three weeks , my dad commenced the last cycle of the chemotherapy treatment. To my surprise, his blood test prior to Day 1 session showed elevation in ALT to 42+ , from the usual 20+. I was puzzled until he told me that he stopped taking the liver supplement. Haiz, both my parents sometimes think they're doctors by changing doctors' order. After chastisement and reminder that the doctor did ask him to finish it, he started the supplement again. Fortunately, the oncologist allowed him to undergo treatment that day. Blood test prior to Day 8 session (the last session) showed ALT back to normal range of 20+. Phew. Kidney function was borderline and that was ok. There was a surprise during the consultation with the oncologist: she disputed her colleague's suggestion of experimenting with the gap between morphine intakes to find out whether my dad still needed it or not. She claimed that there must be sufficient opiate in the body to manage potential pain inflicted...

During the second appointment , Dr N asked more questions: current mood happy or sad childhood? spent more? latest depression As a result, there was further cut to Luvox (anti-depressant) and an increase (as planned) in Olanzapine (anti-psychotic). Xanax (anti-anxiety) was maintained in the meantime. At the start of the session, my mum told Dr N that my dad and I could answer for her so to minimise her "long story" (she can't hear well and/or sometimes doesn't understand the question properly). I couldn't tell whether she was spending more or not but later, my sister affirmed it (to me personally). It seems that (because I cannot recall) my dad hinted to Dr N about this by saying that the fridge was already so full and yet my mum bought more food. I told him that he should tell the truth directly, rather than giving hints. There were other incidents that recently came to my attention that indicated that she was spending more too e.g. giving strangers re...

I have now stayed at Butterworth for just over 3 weeks and I will be here for another 2 weeks due to my dad's chemotherapy sessions and my mum's appointments with psychiatrists. I'm feeling miserable. It's like I spent and spent my energy here but can't recharge. I miss my life and routine back in PJ so much. To make matters worse, I had a few days of bad sinus. Ban couldn't come with me because he was helping his family taking care of his grandpa who was in PJ for a visit. He still couldn't drive here because he has been experiencing leg cramp recently (the foot that's used to press the pedals). Haiz.

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.  - Haruki Murakami

Dr N jokingly said that my mum would curse her after taking the prescribed medicine because it would make her lethargic (instead of the current energising mood). However, except for the first night, it made little difference in that aspect: 1st night: likely slept for 10 hours 2nd night: didn't sleep at all but lied to different member of the household in varying degree. Took at most a 1.5-hr nap 3rd night: at most 4.5 hours. Didn't take nap 4th night: 2 hours 5th night: at most 2.5 hours 6th night: about 4 hours 7th night: about 6 hours Despite this lack of sleep (her "usual" sleeping hours was 8-10 hours), she was still in the hyper energetic mode, interfered in as many things as possible to "help". She felt stressful when people didn't listen to her but, clearly, she didn't realise that her "help" was stressing everyone else. It was like she was out to complicate things in a bad way. Haiz. An initial improvement was that she...

After a morning gym session (I managed to go for the morning yoga class haha), I scouted around for possible places to eat at reasonable price while waiting for Ban. Our default plan was to lunch around our area. So after looking through its menu, we agreed to try Hyo Sun. The set looked like good value for money. So I decided to try the Honey Chicken set. The wait was longer than expected and so I suspected that the chicken was deep fried from scratch, which turned out to be true. Although its flour was crispy, the amount of honey was insufficient unfortunately. Evidently, the salad was paltry. They did give kimchi but I was never a fan and this one was no different. Soup was ok. The jelly was really nice: softer than normal and not sickly sweet. Would I go there again? Maybe but only for its value meal.

(1) Drastic change in behaviour (2) Claims she's the chosen one of Buddha and yet it's ok to make everyone else miserable (3) To help someone is to whack him/her and then weep for him/her (4) Making accusations that are clearly not true (5) Wants everyone to listen to her but she doesn't want to listen to others (6) Wants everything done her way, including parenting method (7) Bang head on floor or use hands to close her ears when others want to talk to her (8) Talk to herself (but only for a short period of time) (9) Get snappy ("You don't know one lah" "You never listen") when we suggest possibilities of, say, why there's blood in her phlegm. The all knowing, all seeing. (10) Demands that she's informed on every single decisions made by everyone (11) Refuses to engage in discussion, insisting that she's right. That's my mum. I had to return to Butterworth two weeks earlier than planned to help my sister and dad to try to...

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