Planners
Introduction
I dub my sisters and I "Planners". People may mistaken us as control freaks but they are misguided. Our actions are a result of us being Planners.
Who are Planners? We plan for the future. Not only for the next 1 or 2 steps but several steps ahead, at the very least. Sometimes we plan for decades ahead. We not only plan to achieve goals that are beneficial for our loved ones and us but also plan for actions to be taken should adverse incidents happen to thwart those goals. I'm not alluding to incidents with small probability ala earthquake in Malaysia but incidents with significant probabilities and mostly those with at least 50% chance of happening.
Mind you, when presented with evidence that our goal is no longer desirable, we do not hesitate to change it or dump it. We are not that stubborn.
Example
A simple example: if I know I'll be out for at least 1.5 hours, I will bring a small backpack containing the following (with their reasons written in brackets): a lightweight jacket (in case it's cold; I get sick easily when it's cold), a bottle of water (I get thirsty easily and water is the best quencher), umbrella (in case it rains, which is quite common in Malaysia/Singapore) and a "pharmacy kit" containing various medication for illness I have from time to time.
More often than not, people laugh at the content of my backpack ("Are there gold bars in your bag?"). I've learned long ago to ignore such ridicule because I know it's just logical to bring those items. It is a result of years of experiement and experience. You know what's ironic? When these people are sick, guess who provide them with medication? Oh, how about when it's raining? Who lend them umbrella? Half of the time, they automatically ask me.
Loved ones
A more complicated example would be one that involved other people. As we have loved ones, we have shared goals with them but not necessarily both parties take the same (number of) steps to achieve the goals. Planners could envisage probable pitfalls and take steps to avoid them but then are dismayed by their loved ones nonchalant attitude. Sometimes we give in but when those pitfalls occur (I assure it they occur about 50% of the time), we generally do not shout in triumph and say, "Told you so!". Instead, we despair and sometimes feel guilty because we have already forseen them and yet couldn't persuade our loved ones to follow our recommended steps. This is even worse for life and death situation where the "death" part can reasonably occur years ahead if small little steps are not taken now and yet our loved ones ignore such "little steps".
Thus the alternating emotion of frustraion and despair/guilt. It's exhausting.
Compromise
We come to a point where we acknowledge that people around us are simply not ready to be Planners too or to even consider cooperating with Planners. On a side note, usually these steps are explained and even agreed by others to be logical but for various reasons they simply do not take those steps. Mind-boggling.
So we have to compromise by lowering down our standard and expectation although that makes us feel uneasy. Yet, it turns out that that is still not enough! It is simply not low enough. We get frustrated because if we lower it any further, we might as well throw it out of the window and be damned with the adverse consequences - even if it's early death (I'm not exaggerating here; early death is a real possibility with a loved one of mine).
Status update
I don't know about my sisters but for me, I accept the fact that people around me are simply not ready. I'll still be a Planner for things that are well within my control. For other things, I'll do my best, explain the logic and pray that my loved ones understand and do their best. Pray fervently.
I dub my sisters and I "Planners". People may mistaken us as control freaks but they are misguided. Our actions are a result of us being Planners.
Who are Planners? We plan for the future. Not only for the next 1 or 2 steps but several steps ahead, at the very least. Sometimes we plan for decades ahead. We not only plan to achieve goals that are beneficial for our loved ones and us but also plan for actions to be taken should adverse incidents happen to thwart those goals. I'm not alluding to incidents with small probability ala earthquake in Malaysia but incidents with significant probabilities and mostly those with at least 50% chance of happening.
Mind you, when presented with evidence that our goal is no longer desirable, we do not hesitate to change it or dump it. We are not that stubborn.
Example
A simple example: if I know I'll be out for at least 1.5 hours, I will bring a small backpack containing the following (with their reasons written in brackets): a lightweight jacket (in case it's cold; I get sick easily when it's cold), a bottle of water (I get thirsty easily and water is the best quencher), umbrella (in case it rains, which is quite common in Malaysia/Singapore) and a "pharmacy kit" containing various medication for illness I have from time to time.
More often than not, people laugh at the content of my backpack ("Are there gold bars in your bag?"). I've learned long ago to ignore such ridicule because I know it's just logical to bring those items. It is a result of years of experiement and experience. You know what's ironic? When these people are sick, guess who provide them with medication? Oh, how about when it's raining? Who lend them umbrella? Half of the time, they automatically ask me.
Loved ones
A more complicated example would be one that involved other people. As we have loved ones, we have shared goals with them but not necessarily both parties take the same (number of) steps to achieve the goals. Planners could envisage probable pitfalls and take steps to avoid them but then are dismayed by their loved ones nonchalant attitude. Sometimes we give in but when those pitfalls occur (I assure it they occur about 50% of the time), we generally do not shout in triumph and say, "Told you so!". Instead, we despair and sometimes feel guilty because we have already forseen them and yet couldn't persuade our loved ones to follow our recommended steps. This is even worse for life and death situation where the "death" part can reasonably occur years ahead if small little steps are not taken now and yet our loved ones ignore such "little steps".
Thus the alternating emotion of frustraion and despair/guilt. It's exhausting.
Compromise
We come to a point where we acknowledge that people around us are simply not ready to be Planners too or to even consider cooperating with Planners. On a side note, usually these steps are explained and even agreed by others to be logical but for various reasons they simply do not take those steps. Mind-boggling.
So we have to compromise by lowering down our standard and expectation although that makes us feel uneasy. Yet, it turns out that that is still not enough! It is simply not low enough. We get frustrated because if we lower it any further, we might as well throw it out of the window and be damned with the adverse consequences - even if it's early death (I'm not exaggerating here; early death is a real possibility with a loved one of mine).
Status update
I don't know about my sisters but for me, I accept the fact that people around me are simply not ready. I'll still be a Planner for things that are well within my control. For other things, I'll do my best, explain the logic and pray that my loved ones understand and do their best. Pray fervently.
Comments
How can one foresee potential consequences and not take precautions? To me it's logical and common sense. The downside is that if you end up caring for others as well, you end up obsessing about them having to face consequences and suddenly find yourself bearing the responsibility of ensuring you have done your best to part knowledge about potential consequences.
It's exhausting. I must say that I would like to be ignorant sometimes. Perhaps then I can give my mind some peace.
For those who likes to say "stop worrying so much", think about this. If you know something could prevent your loved ones from being hurt, would you just sit and not worry? One you have the knowledge, there is just no looking back.
-Sis
Haha I knew you would agree :) I certainly can see your point of view and agree with with all of them.