Funeral for dad
I'm so glad that much earlier my siblings and I started thinking and preparing for the activities that needed to be done immediately after my father's death. Probably prodded by my sister in Australia (hardly a surprise 😊). One main activity was the funeral arrangement.
After a one time long-ish discussion and a few amendments, the idea was to have it simpler than the "traditional" Chinese (specifically Taoist) funeral. It was my mum's idea actually, and she too gradually made it simpler. My dad wanted to follow her way. For example, the initial idea was to be cremated, placed in urns housed in a temple (my dad bought two lots side by side) and we children were asked to pray at certain dates, in certain ways at the temple. My mum later made it simpler because "what matters most is how our children treat us while we're alive, not when after we're dead". So was then changed to urns buried beneath huge potted plants and finally changed to simply throwing the ashes in the sea.
An idea I had that was adopted without any disagreement was to have the wake at a third party venue. My parents also told us to ask the funeral parlour for clarification if needed e.g. where to pray since ashes thrown in sea (answer: at home).
Following a recommedation by one of sister's contacts, we decided to engage Tau Modern Coffin Trading. We're happy with the service they rendered:
After a one time long-ish discussion and a few amendments, the idea was to have it simpler than the "traditional" Chinese (specifically Taoist) funeral. It was my mum's idea actually, and she too gradually made it simpler. My dad wanted to follow her way. For example, the initial idea was to be cremated, placed in urns housed in a temple (my dad bought two lots side by side) and we children were asked to pray at certain dates, in certain ways at the temple. My mum later made it simpler because "what matters most is how our children treat us while we're alive, not when after we're dead". So was then changed to urns buried beneath huge potted plants and finally changed to simply throwing the ashes in the sea.
An idea I had that was adopted without any disagreement was to have the wake at a third party venue. My parents also told us to ask the funeral parlour for clarification if needed e.g. where to pray since ashes thrown in sea (answer: at home).
Following a recommedation by one of sister's contacts, we decided to engage Tau Modern Coffin Trading. We're happy with the service they rendered:
- When they first arrived at my sister's house on the day my dad passed away, they accompanied my sister to the police station (neeed to make police report, using the completed form given by the state ambulance service earlier) and guided her throughout the process.
- During the wake, we had to only do two things: "served" food to my dad at 10am and 10pm, and then joined in (we were given the choice to join or not) the 30-60 mins prayer by the nun. Everything else the funeral parlour handled e.g. fruits, food, candles, peanuts, mineral water.
- Although neither my sister nor I are proficient in Mandarin or Hokkien dialect, their instructions were short and simple to understand.
- The venue for the wake (at United Hokkien Cemeteries, UHC) was clean, neat and spacious. There was considerably amount of space between lots.
- Cremation was done on the 3rd day. The crematorium was just next door (along with the graveyard, belonged to UHC), which took only about 5 minutes to walk, without going through public main roads. My mum noted that the slot for my dad's coffin was number 4, the wake venue was lot A and my dad passed away on 4/4. Interesting.
- On the 7th day, we prayed at the crematorium. Performed some rites relating to my dad's pieces of bones, which were later crushed into smaller pieces and placed in a yellow bag with some fresh flowers. They lead us to a seaside where we took a small boat out further (just a few minutes away) and slowly pour the ashes into the sea. We said our final goodbyes, wishes and assurance to our dad.
- The whole process was quite stress-free, which we're grateful for.
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Both my parents also had their ashes thrown into the sea off Penang. Most probably is the same spot where no swimmers go to. Later I had to place 2 ancestral tablets in a temple at my own initiative and accord, as I truly understand the spiritual world and departed very well.